There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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