No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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