we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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