He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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