why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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