My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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