Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
