we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he fucked my hip out of place.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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