oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
