My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Randomize
