took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
