Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
