omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize