NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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