You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize