if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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