Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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