I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
