I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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