1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
