Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
