I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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