i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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