I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
