I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You can't motorboat a personality
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
