I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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