I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
