I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
there is glitter all over my balls
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