As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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