Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
