One girl and one boy is just not enough.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
