im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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