Don't you send me to vm
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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