also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
