Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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