Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
