i think i have herpe
just one?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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