I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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