eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
