There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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