I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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