my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A+ Viking dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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