yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
