id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about my life...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
