I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
