U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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