Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
