I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
