well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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