I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
