i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
