I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
