i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
