Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
