I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
