I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
