goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
