Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
