I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am puke
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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