I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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