if i can run in heels then i can drive
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
