I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
