Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
