it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
