I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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