I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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