so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
